


Vulnerability

by cadkitten



Category: Dir en grey
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-24
Updated: 2009-02-24
Packaged: 2017-11-29 14:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cadkitten/pseuds/cadkitten
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three words scrawled on a simple yellow Post-It note...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vulnerability

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cateris](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=cateris).



> Prompt[s]: nanaeanaven's hump day prompt of vulnerability and 051: Sticky Note for y!weekly - Due March 7  
> Comments: For cateris as a trade fic.  
> Beta Readers: ventorous01, kawaiikyo, witheringwhite  
> Song[s]: "Com(?)" by Mono

Toshiya's POV

 _Went out,_  
Kaoru

Three words scrawled on a simple yellow Post-It note, the scratch of his handwriting legible yet almost not. I can tell where the pen wouldn't work at first, the swirl of the ink-less press of the pen on paper just above the W. Insignificant, yet noticed all the same. If it were anyone but him writing it, I already know I wouldn't have noticed at all.

The note itself is attached to the mirror in the bathroom, right at eye level for me - impossible to miss. A gesture that given any other circumstances would be considered kind and caring. But after last night, I feel as if this is something I should worry over; spend the entire day fretting about until I see his face again. And even then, I know I will wonder what it was he did while 'out'. Where is he 'out' to? What is he 'out' doing? Better yet, who is he 'out' with?

A strange sense of vulnerability washes over me, even as I spit the toothpaste out into the basin and wash it away with the cool water from the tap. The glass feels heavy in my hand as I raise it to my lips, as if it too will fall like the leaden weights in my stomach. I know I shouldn't worry over it, shouldn't fret like a teenager. This is Kaoru, after all - a man built off of his word.

But that doesn't set my mind at ease. I feel helpless... lost. Drying the water from my face, I leave the restroom behind, the sticky note still on the mirror right where he left it. My fingers itch to hold it, to touch it and see if it is truly as tangible as I feel like it is. But I know it is and there is no point in allowing myself something so childish.

The pull of the fabric of my clothing against my skin feels all wrong, as if it is chafing me rather than caressing me. Logic tells me it has to do with the empty bottle of fabric softener in the trash bin behind my flat. But my heart tells me it's because he isn't standing here beside me, dressing as I do... as we always have.

And even an hour later, standing in the kitchen, washing the dishes from my single breakfast - his safely in the fridge for when he comes home - I can't help but feel ill at ease. I'm not built for this, not built for fighting him or being without him. I suppose it has come to be a simple truth: he is my other half and I cannot live without him.

The day wears on, my fingers going to my cell phone every few minutes, almost calling him, but not. There's a fear lingering in the shadows, threatening me with what it might contain, and I don't want to disrupt it. He'll come back to me when he's ready and not a moment before.

I don't regret my words, I never can. I refuse to feel bad about telling him how I felt. Even outside the heat of argument, I know that I did the right thing in allowing him to see how I reacted to the words he threw. I deal like that. He deals like this. And even though I accept that, I still feel the sting of vulnerability that hangs over me when he leaves like this.

It's dark before I hear his key in the lock, but I truly expected nothing less than that. I don't look up, I don't even move. I'm not sure I can anymore. I ache - inside and out.

His quiet footsteps come to a stop in front of me and then he's on his knees, arms coming around me, tugging me to his chest as he breathes the only words that ever matter into my ear. And just like that the cloud evaporates, the haze that had settled over my heart fluttering away as if by a simple breeze. My heart swells and I hold him close to me, just breathing... always breathing... with him.

 **The End**  
I'd write more, but I feel like if I do, the entire point will become lost, be drowned out from what it should be. It holds a certain value like this that I think would be killed by anything more. So, I'm sorry that it's so short, I never intended it to be.  



End file.
